Thursday 30 April 2009

Why its good to be Malawian

1 – Never really being cold.
2 – Being able to buy kittens and puppies with your morning paper at traffic lights.

Erm, that's it.

Why its good to be British

(Apart from the bleedingly obvious clean water, food, health care etc...)

1 - Comedy (guess there isn't much to laugh about for most people here, but nothing in the papers suggests a sense of the ridiculous or any form of satire)
2 – No poisonous spiders / snakes
3 – Marks and Spencers
4 – Already speaking English
5 – Having a coast
6 – Creme Eggs
7 – The BBC*
8 - Also being European**

* Although everyone has the World Service, which is pure genius.
** And, saying that you are 'from Scotland' also seems to generate a certain qudos abroad – its like being 'British +'!

Saturday 25 April 2009

Zomba, Zomba, Zomba

Is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful – massive plateau, part of rift valley I think – old capital, grand boulevards, good uni, great food (cold enough for rasps & strawberry), pine forests & bottomless pit that old dictator used to throw political opponents down (allegedly). We stayed at a lovely lodge with no electricity – all paraffin lamps, log fires, great food and a dog called Obilix.

Looks so much like Scotland up there its almost not worth us visiting – Effect added to when A, the weather Johna's, presence caused it to start pouring as it does back home and we headed down the mountain again in search of sun.

Found it, together with a great beach, good lunch and one or two G&Ts at Club Mac near Mangochi. Ended up being a very big treat for us both but it was so peaceful and orderly and spotless it was probably worth it, just about, maybe.

Got a bit lost on the way home (tourist map bears no relation to what the roads actually do!) and found an unbelievable road up through the mountains – it would have been brilliant to run the MG up there if we could suspend the laws of physics long enough to actually get it through Malawi in the first place.

Its been a great few days away, really got our bearings and fab to see this beautiful country at the moment, whilst it is at its greenest. I've begun to get a sense of the ruthless poverty outside the city (just a sense as we zoomed past in our borrowed 4x4) and now Blantyre looks very cosmopolitan & feels actually quite like home. Some western guilt creeping in (esp after paying for Club Mac) but mostly just an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

A definitely needed that break, its been a real slog for him since Christmas and me, well, I'm now finally caught up on my sleep, ready to get my suit back on and get down to some business - at least for 6 weeks until Mum & J come and the next holiday starts!.

Fx

PS – cherry on top – discovered that shudderlingly massive & hairy spider I spotted in back garden is harmless Golden Orb & that nearly all spiders in Malawi are not 'lethal' to man – hurray! I can start to relax a bit!

Sunday 19 April 2009

monkey!


Heffalump


Hippos


Ex-Pat Chat

I've observed the following:

Where three or more ex pats are gathered together the following subjects will come up:
- how breathtakingly crazy the g'mts plan to try & dredge the Zambesi is;
- visas / passports / immigration & biometric chips;
- power cuts;
- places to stay at the lake;
- where does good pizza;
- where sells decent wine; and
- how quickly 'Rhodesia' / 'Zim' is going to recover.

Not all mosquitoes make that buzzing noise.

People from Liberia call the World Service's 'Africa have your say' more than any other country (or just have more interesting things to say).

You can get up to 40 live chickens strapped to a bike.

Every dog in Blantyre has a damn good howl at about 9.05 each evening.
F x

Decision Time

Where are we going to live?

The housing market is as mad as the car market – for a town hoaching with short term foreign consultants and aid workers there is a disturbing lack of simple, furnished, accom available (John – want to expand your empire south?). Standard approach seems to be to rent a massive house, buy bits of random furniture off the hawkers in Ndirandi and be happy living in faded grandeur of huge villas with perhaps an upturned box and set of deck chairs as dining furniture.

Nope, not for me. I want the civilising touches of wardrobes, colanders & bedside lamps – it has to be furnished. It also has to be safe and I'm just not comfortable with the standard bamboo fences and trying to hire our own security guards. The hut, for all its wildlife (latest being army of (now ex) ants trooping from under the ceiling down the wall & into a gap in the shower I didn't even know was there), is really well furnished, actually quite roomy & relatively safe (fingers crossed).

But I need to know my options and so we went to see the most beautifully furnished two bed cottage – I am genuinely upset by how nice it was (and note for the future what a difference fresh paint & matching fabrics make to a place). At $1000 a month it is also hugely expensive and we think now is simply not the time for us to commit to that. As a rational person I see the potential of all the other things that A's (very) hard earned money could be spent on (e.g. next week's trip to Zomba Forest Lodge & the lake – yay!). So we won't do it. As an emotional person I really really really want it but reason wins and right now I can't have it. I want it but I can't and that is that.

What is Chichewa for rentakill?
F x

PS – there are lots of great things about the hut too – Davina, our landlady, is fab company & has been wonderful at showing us the ropes, its in a good area and has some of the best views going – we've now had a good chat with her and she is going to arrange for a bunch of improvements to be made. We're also going to arrange for a bit of the garden to be levelled out to make a really lovely outside dining area – where there's a will.....

Dilemma

A troop of young boys have spent some of their Easter holidays filling in the pot holes on the road outside our house with rubble & sand. Not the best job ever done but better than nothing. Now they're asking for money for it – I say pay them, this is a good thing. They've provided a service, its enterprising & I don't see any evidence of them having created the holes in the first place. Others (A and our Malawian friends) are saying don't pay – it's not the system, the town authority should be doing it, the rubble / sand solution won't last & children should learn that 'Muzungus' (white folk) don't = money.

Hummm.....if they are there today I think I'll try to talk to them.

F x

Thursday 16 April 2009

The other type of Dragonfly

You know, the type that doesn't serve delicious cocktails in the Grassmarket, the real kind, are here in abundance. They are fantastic – petrolly wings, long delicate bodies. They zip about the garden all day but particularly at the moment, about 4 o'clock and the sun is beginning to dip. It's mating season for dragonflys and they seem to be absolutely loving it!

There are also all manner of butterflys, enormous black and yellow ones, soft white ones, little orange ones – they're all over the place and make me come over all Cinderella / Snow White (though have resisted singing to them!)

The crows look like magpies and are just as cruel looking as the ones back home. But the humming birds are fantastic – shimmering green necks and flashing blue and red strips, there is one in particular that keeps trying to get into the windows of Andrew's office – I think it sees its reflection & keeps coming a tapping. There are little brown birds that zip in and out of the bird bath in our front garden & what must be a robin blue breast – exactly the same as its red cousin but with a baby blue chest.

The geckos are quite cute & apparently there is a camelion in the garden (in the big bush next to the chilli plants, round from the herb patch). Think it must be a good one because I've not seen it yet!

F x

Wednesday 15 April 2009

"Ah, it's the Parkers"

OK, so I've made a mistake. Two of the banks are both branded in blue and white and, at the fantastically named 'Ginnery Corner', are right next to each other. One of them, Standard Bank, has an excellent ATM that accepts Visa and Maestro, the other one, Ecobank, doesn't. But the staff are v friendly and being confused about which one I was in, I've opened an account for Andrew at the non card, non VISA, non ATM one. (Ecobank also happens to be a sub of Citigroup – please let me know if things start looking really rocky for it over there).

By the time I realised the mistake I'd already got the millions forms signed in triplicate, had arranged for references from two Malawian bank account holders and had taken Andrew down to the dude with the camera, shack, printer & amusingly spelt sign outside Immigration HQ to get passport photos taken. On the promise of ATMs 'in a week' we've pressed on.

There are various pros and cons of banking with a new bank – First, no ATMs is not a problem because they seem not to have any other customers and so there are no queues inside the bank. Second, the lack of customers also means that they do not need our account number to check whether funds received, they just know that that things haven't changed and say they will call us when the money arrives. Third, we've been in so many times they all recognise us and we're greeted with 'Ah, its the Parkers!'.

This is like having our own personal bank, which was fun but utterly useless whilst we couldn't get any money from them. Now that we have managed to get our hands on wads of grubby Kwatcha we're delighted and I will look on with scorn at anyone who considers trying to muscle in our our car parking spot or personal teller! Now, if I can just convince Halifax that I'm bona fide & get them to unlock my UK internet banking we'll really be getting there!

F x

Monday 13 April 2009

Heffalumps

Hurray! I've seen my first Malawian elephants. Yesterday we went on safari with some friends / colleagues of A's. Early start and we drove past Zomba (unbelievable mountains) and got a boat from 'Hippo Lodge' up the Shire river. We motored for about 45 mins stopping to gawp at the hippos, birds, crocodiles and elephants. It was fantastic.

The river is wide and flat and the banks are lush & dense with high grass at this time of year. The mountains in the distance looked just like the Campsies. Malawi really does look like a warm Scotland. As it's the end of the rainy seasons the animals don't have to come down to the river so we were very lucky to see anything at all – a whole family of elephants tucking into the grass with their two babies on the way and two elephants in up to their necks scoffing more grass on the way back – brilliant. I love elephants.

We went to Mvuu lodge (also fabulous), went on a game drive and saw lots of impala, bush buck, water buck (beginning to learn the difference) more hippos, baboons, vervet monkey (the only kind in Malawi apparently) and fantastic birds. A lovely lunch and a couple of bottles of rose later and we were back in the boat speeding home.

We had dinner with our friends at their palatial house and headed home full and happy. Night driving took the edge off the day for me but I can not wait to take our guests on trips like that when they come out!

F x

Saturday 11 April 2009

Chilomoni

On Good Friday we got up about 4.30 to walk the 'way of the cross' with some of A's catholic friends up a hill outside Blantyre. We joined 100 or so other English speakers and set of at 5.30 to walk for about 2 hours whilst the sun was rising above the hills. We stopped at 14 stations, each with a large iron cross and a cast bronzy looking thing depicting a different stage of the Passion. There were priests and seminaries there who gave readings and led prayers at each station. The group sang and chanted the Lord's Prayer and what I think must be Hail Mary's between each stop. I was one of the only ones who had brought a rucksac of drinks and snacks but still felt it wasn't appropriate to tuck in until we'd reached the top (and even then only for the water, left the creme eggs in my bag!)

I found parts of this walk a little strange (I've never seen so much emphasis on Mary's pain before) but it was graceful and beautiful. The faith of some of those we met is phenomenally strong – It must be a great comfort to live with that level of conviction of the constant guide / controller; but it is a very frightening prayer to 'do with me what you will'.

The Chichewa speaking procession started around 8ish and they estimated that about 4,000 people were there. We took the other path down and saw the troops of them winding their way up the hillside. The singing was fantastic, much more joyful than the frankly turgid & luke-warm hymns we often get at home.

I'm left wondering and feeling all sorts of things but in particular come away with a real sense that whatever God is (or however it is understood), the sight & spirit of places like that valley, on that morning, must have something to do with it.

F x

Thursday 9 April 2009

Questions I've been asked include...

- "Is it expensive to have a wife in the UK?”
- “Is it true that they give you an allowance if you don't have a job in the UK?”
- “How old are you? Do you have any children? You must be using, what they call it, contraception, yes?”
- “Who was better, Tony Blair or Gordon Brown?”
- “What motivates you in life?”
- “Would you like another gin?”



I'll leave you to guess at my answers!

Wednesday 8 April 2009

Phiri (& our new car!)


TGFP

Phiri is brilliant – he's the guy who helps around the big house & is now helping us too. He does our washing, ironing, cleaning, gardening, spider killing & (it turns out) gutting and filleting of fish. I can't seem to do anything myself now - he's caught me ironing and washing the car and taken over on both occasions.

He speaks a very little English but is helping me with my Chichewa (I've discovered he has three children, and his brother is dead). He keeps a very close eye on our comings and goings and was troubled to see me leaving the house on foot on my own one day (allowed past because I was only going to Chez Macky next door).

He earns MK350 a day (about £2), which is apparently a lot in Malawi. I am topping that up with big lunches, fruit and eggs to take home, a pair of Scotland rugby union sunglasses and photos of him for him, which he seems to really like (he wanted the shot next to our car). We've been sent a care parcel of cream eggs so four are ear marked for him and his children. Two for the security guards, which leaves 6 for me!

The only downside is that I'm using my time to start reading again & I can't decide whether the poncyness of Martin Amis undermines how good London Fields is....(in itself a poncy thing to say – I'd better start working soon!)

F x

No one ever really wins a war

I confess to feeling a little overwhelmed this week. I've realised that it will be a while before I watch TV with a takeaway, that I'm no longer financially independent and that it isn't safe for me to walk out of my house on my own. What is more, I seem to be projecting all my anxiety about being in a strange country onto the local wildlife.

I've become unhealthily aware of every spider & creepy crawly in the house (or at least I hope it is every one and there aren't a bunch of them that continue to evade me!). I'm also convinced that there is a family of heavy, probably hairy, things living in the space between the ceiling and the corrugated iron roof (despite A and Phiri's suggestions that it is falling pods from the overhanging tree falling).

This is not like me. Now is really not a good time to develop a pathetic, girly, squishmishness. There is probably a limit to the amount of insecticide I should spray in the house and the number of times I can call on A to tackle 4, 6, 8 or 100 legged creatures (thank goodness so far no problematic snakes – would definitely be on my own there!). Anyway, it would be awful to let this overshadow all the good things (on which more later).

So, I'm going to HAVE to get over this. My five point plan of action is:
1 – Ask Phiri to get rid of the spiders by the front door (done);
2 – Investigate alternative accommodation (in hand);
3 – If, as I suspect, we've got a good thing going on here, arrange for fumigation & re-fitting of insect covers on windows (will talk to Davina);
4 – Try catching some of the small spiders myself (probably after a gin or two); and
5 – Just pull myself together.

F x

Tuesday 7 April 2009

Mosquitoes

Are properly scary, so I'm going to keep this brief:

Mosquitoes sound like
dentists' drills, is that really
a coincidence?

Fx

Thursday 2 April 2009

The President, chips and Toyota Carina

If you'll excuse the length of this entry, here are some of the things that have happened over the past few days:

I've been tasked with buying our car. After much debate we have decided that it is just not feasible to sink every penny we have into a 4x4 & or two smaller cars. The roads are pretty bad (though not as bad as the driving!) but are generally passable with a good car. So we've plumped for a Toyota Carina and will either borrow or hire a 4x4 for those trips that we really need to. The car market is mad here and it is costing just the wrong side of £4k to get a 14 year old re-conditioned Carina on the road! If we're careful we should get most of that back, but blast the collapse of the pound!

Anyway, a guy Andrew knows through MM (Philip) has been great helping me with the negotiations. On Tuesday I found myself standing in field with about 5 guys negotiating (admittedly rather languidly), calling me 'sister' and pointing out the virtues of the '97 model over the '95 model. Then I had to test drive the car on what we would call 'off road' with two of them in the back giving me tips like 'you need to lift your left foot to make it go'. Yes, thank you. Thankfully I wasn't having to negotiate, just stood there trying to look uninterested but still ask sensible questions like “what size engine is it?”. Turns out “does it have airbags?” is not a sensible question.

Then we get to money. I've learnt the virtue of patience when trying various Malawian banks to get a bank account opened for Andrew and withdrawing the requisite MK 800,000 on my visa card. I've spent about a day queuing, filling in forms, getting forms signed and stamped (Malawians seem to have a zeal for receipts and stamping and signing things in triplicate). The transaction was completed in the back of someone's Honda in a bank car park with three guys brought in to act as witnesses to the 'contract' I wrote on a scrap of paper I had in my handbag. This seems to be how it is done here and looking at what some of the other ex-pats have paid for cars, I think we've got a good deal.

On the way to seal the deal Philip and I were stopped at a road block because the President (Dr. Bingu wa Mutharika) was driving past. We were giving a nun a lift to the market (as you do) and whilst we were waiting about 150 kids streamed out of a school and surrounded the car jumping up and down, shouting and singing Bingu's name – they were so excited and their energy was completely infectious. Found myself welling up and waving at him too as he drove past leaning out a window of his massive blacked out hummer. I don't know much about his politics but he seemed pretty popular at that point.

We are now the proud owners of a gangster style greeny gold Toyota. Hurray! But here is a final thought: I'm not that bothered by the kids that beg for money, happily telling them to get away and go to school, but was shocked by the desperation with which a teenage boy was banging on my car window as I was trying to drive away from the bank. I was on the phone and was trying to ignore him but the pleading got so intense and desperate I opened my window and said 'what'? He pointed at the tiny amount of chips in a container A had left in the passenger footwell. He had clearly spotted them when I was in the bank and waited for hours for me to come out to get them. Intensely desperate for a handful of left over chips – I really have no idea...

Fx

The Hut


Chemical Warfare

I've had it. I've had my first mossie bite and am sick of creepy crawlies in my house all the time. I've sprinkled Vim (bit like caustic soda) all round the outside of the house, window sills and have sprayed all window frames with the delightfully named 'Doom' insect spray. I've taken a broom to the spider webs (though am still too scared to go near the the ones by the front door) and am considering asking Andrew to pee all round the house as well.

Watch this space....